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Experts are still debating whether sex addiction actually exists, but the truth is that obsessive sex acts have a profound impact on the lives of many people.
Sagami Misca, A BBC reporter, interviewed a lot of them.
A British woman married for 20 years My husband lived a secret life..
I always thought I had a normal marriage. We were together for years before we got married, Two marriages We had children.
My husband spent a lot of time raising children because he was a successful businessman who traveled a lot for work, but he came home every weekend.
simply I thought it was a very normal relationship.. He always seemed happy when he was at home. I really did not know what had happened.
But one day I had to go to his research to find something on his desk and his notebook was open. I never reviewed it before, but I showed my email on the screen and saw the day I booked a hotel in London. I had a day since the day I was planning to go on vacation with my friends.
I thought about it. "It's a little weird. Why did you book a hotel room?"It looked strange but I could not understand it.
I've been thinking about it all day. At night, when I was in bed, I just could not get it out of my head. So I took courage and asked why I made a hotel reservation. And he did not answer.
Silence told me that there was a terrible mistake. It seemed that eternity had passed. It felt like about 30 minutes. I think they are probably two minutes. I got up and said, "What's going on?"
I can not remember his exact words, but he just He met someone while saying he was sorry.; At that moment, I grabbed my gown and went down the stairs. I just could not stay in the same room. And I cried.
Finally he came down the stairs and sat in front of me and said how sorry he was. He told me. I started going to the strip club. lately I met a dancer. A person who has booked a space in one of the clubs and to meet her to deepen the relationship.
Right there I asked if they had sex, and he said he did not tell me anything.
I wanted to believe him. I think she was desperate to absolutely believe him. I was very angry. But there was a part that I was thinking. "Well, we can solve this, it's just a middle-aged man, a moment of madness.
And since my friends on the weekend were desperate to do with me, I thought I had time to deal with my thoughts.
I did not tell my friends.. I wanted to keep it for myself. It was not nearly a few days. I slept very badly. I could not eat. Looking back, I can not be sure how I went forward.
We talked a lot when we came home. There was a lot of crying in my part.
But the truth is that I always felt that it was too accidental that I found an email in a hotel reservation before I had sex. It was too accidental.
So I insisted that he looked at me and did not have sex with this woman he could not. It was two or three weeks after I found the email.
after that He admitted to having sex. And it happened for weeks or months.
I saw this man who had met during these years and said, "How could you hide it? Did you not understand how it went wrong?"
I could not understand. I know how the person I know did what he didHe became involved in what appeared to be inconsistent with the personality of the person I knew.
None of it was understood, so I visited more pain: I started checking all their emails.
I found another hotel reservation that was earlier than the date he gave me. And after returning for years, I found a quote that did not match her story of how long I had seen this woman.
When we went for a walk, a turning point came. I just told him. "I need to know everything.. I keep pushing because I do not think I know everything. "
I saw the bank statement and threatened to check every email. I said I need to know the truth.
He replied: "Do you want to go this way?" At that moment I thought: "No, there is more than this." But I had no idea how terrible it would be to uncover it.
He told me. I have lived. Pay money by sex. Prostitute women during our marriage. I have also seen a lot of pornography sometimes. And it tore apart clubs, sex clubs and sex cinemas while traveling abroad.
Nobody has. One or two of my friends knew I was quieter and I asked if I was okay, but I always excused. "I am tired, I am not sleeping well, I have to be menopause."
I was ashamed of what happened. I wondered what people would think when I told people. What do you think about Dan, what do you think?. I thought people would judge our marriage and think it was a fake marriage.
I thought people would think so. It was not enough for him, not sexy enough, and sexy enough.
I have always been a relatively safe person. She was not a woman with nails or botox every week. I thought middle age, little obesity, old age, wrinkles, but normal at my age.
But this I completely destroyed my pride.. I wondered if he was funny.
I used more makeup and he started to make sure that I saw the best I could. I have already lost some weight because it took me a long time to eat again normally.
I bought new clothes and went to the hairdresser more often and got some botox.
But he also thought that in his mind there was something wrong with him: illness. I thought I needed help and I thought I needed help.
When I went to the clinic, they explained that their behavior was the behavior of a sex addict. I believed it.gEniah, there is a label for this, he is sick. Something's wrong with him."
I want to believe it. Because then I want to believe that I can continue to convince myself, "No, you have nothing to do with it, it will happen anyway."
However, he said he returned once in the treatment session and was not sure if he was addicted to sex or just addicted to sex. I made a bad decision..
I was troubled for a few days saying that it was very difficult to hear this.
One of the things he said and remember when we started treating the couple is that life is before the truth is in a dark tunnel and that we can hide the secret and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I remember seeing him and I thought: "eSo it is good for you, but now I am living in complete darkness. Everything is dark and dark for me and there is a secret because I can not tell anyone what is happening. "And I felt it was too unfair.
I do not want to tell people because I do not want people to judge me.. For example, I was watching the Ryder Cup a couple of days ago, and I met a girlfriend with Tiger Woods. People will look at her and think. "Oh, young woman, front door mat, maybe you'll trample her, respect the woman."
People think the judge knows.
In many ways Our marriage is better than that. – I think it's crazy, but we spent months on treatment. We are much more open between us.
We talk more and talk about our emotions as well as what we are doing or what we are going to do. We talk about feelings.Good and bad.
I am still many times until I am sick, but in most cases I feel that our marriage is balanced and the emotional state is balanced.
Can I forgive him? This is what I talked to therapists and I do not know what forgiveness is. I think he can not forgive him for the pain he caused me. I do not think I can forgive, but I want to be with him and I love him. And the life on his side is good. Is that forgiveness? I do not know.
I think we are doing well at the end of the day. We are good friends. I still love him and I am sure he loves me. I have always loved me.
I would also hate that my children know. I would never hate it. I think that. They will lose all respect for their father.. And my family loves my husband. If you knew him I would not believe you. He is not simply a person doing this.
He will be the last person to think that he is stupid like he did.
You can hear a full interview (in English) of Sangita Myska. Sex addiction (sex addiction), Produced by Sarah Shebbeare.
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